Is This Person Right For Me?

• Good looking

• friendly

• popular

• funny

• spiritually minded

• trustworthy

• morally upright

• goal oriented

There is nothing wrong with any of the above traits. Each of them has its own appeal. Wouldn't you agree, though, that when you're in the grip of a youthful crush, you tend to dwell on the more superficial qualities, such as those first four mentioned above?
As you mature, however, you begin using your perceptive powers to examine deeper issues, such as the last four traits mentioned above. For instance, you start to realize that the cutest girl in the neighborhood may not be trustworthy or that the most popular boy in class may not be morally upright. If you're "past the bloom of youth" the time of life when sexual desires first become strong you most likely look beyond the superficial traits to answer the question, Is this person right for me?

Will Just Anyone Do?
Over the course of time, more than a few members of the opposite sex may catch your eye. But not just anyone will do. After all, you want a lifelong mate, someone who will bring out the best in you and for whom you will do the same. Who might that person be? before you can answer that question, you need to 'look in the mirror' and honestly evaluate yourself. Getting to know yourself is no small task. The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strenghts rather than your weaknesses. What, though, if you think you have found someone who is right for you?

Will This Relationship Work?
To answer that question, look at your friend objectively. Be careful, though! You might be inclined to see only what you want to see. So take your time. Try to perceive your friend's true nature.
Many who date don't look beyond the surface. Instead, they quickly point to the things they have in common: 'We like the same music.' 'We enjoy the same activities.' 'We agree on everything!' As mentioned earlier, though, if you're truly past the bloom of youth, you will look beyond superficial traits. You need to discern "the secret person of the heart."
For example, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict- by insisting on his or her way, perhaps giving in to "fits of anger" or "abusive speech"?

HOW CAN I GET OVER A BROKEN HEART?

You just know this is the one you will marry. You enjoy each other's company, you share common interests, and you sense a mutual attraction. Then, suddenly, the relationship dies, exploding in a burst of anger or melting in tears. In his book TheChemistry of Love, Dr. Michael Liebowitz likens the onset of love to the rush of a powerful drug. But like a drug, such love can trigger raging 'withdrawal symptons' if it dies. And it makes little difference whether the love is mere infatuation or the 'real thing.' Both can create dizzying highs and agonizing lows if the relationship ends. The feelings of rejection, hurt, and perhaps outrage that come in the wake of a breakup may thus sour your view of the future. One young woman speaks of herself as 'wounded' because of being jilted. "I can only be a Hi, how are you? person (with the opposite sex) now," she says. "I am not letting any person get close to me." The deeper the commitment you feel in a relationship, the deeper the hurts its breakup can cause. Yes, indeed, the freedom to court whom you please carries a hefty price tag: the real Click Here!

possibility of rejection. There simply is no guarantee that true love will grow. So if someone began courting you with honest intentions but later concluded that marriage would be unwise, you have not necessarily been dealt with unfairly. The problem is, even when a breakup is handled with the utmost tact and kindness, you are still bound to feel hurt and rejected. This is no reason to lose your self-esteem, however. The fact that you were not "right" in this person's eyes does not mean that you will not be just right in the eyes of someone else! Try putting the defunct romance in cool perspective. The breakup may very well have spotlighted disturbing things about the person you were involved with- emotional immaturity, indecision, inflexibility,intolerance, a lack of consideration for your feelings. These are hardly desirable qualities in a marriage mate. What if the breakup is entirely one-sided and you are convinced that a marriage would have worked out well? Certainly you have a right to let the other person know how you feel. Perhaps there have simply been some misunderstandings. Emotional ranting and raving accomplishes little. And if he or she insists on splitting up, there is no need for you to humiliate yourself, tearfully begging for the affections of someone who obviously has no feelings for you. Solomon said there is "a time to seek and a time to give up as lost." What if you have strong reason to suspect that you were merely been used by someone who never had a sincere interest in marriage in the first place? You need not resort to vindictive reprisals. Be assured that his or her deviousness is not unnoticed by God. His word says: "The cruel person is bringing ostracism upon his own organism." From time to time you may still be tormented by loneliness or romantic memories. If so, it's all right to have a good cry. It also helps to get busy, perhaps in some physical activity or the christian ministry. Keep your mind on things that are cheerful and upbuilding. Confide in a close friend. Your parents may also be of great comfort, even if you feel you are old enough to be independent. And above all, confide in Jehovah God. You may now see the need to work on certain aspects of your personality. Your vision of what you want in a marriage mate may be clearer than ever. And having loved and lost, you may decide to handle courtship a bit more prudently should a desirable person come along again- the likelihood of which may be greater than you think.

WOULD HE MAKE A GOOD HUSBAND FOR ME?

• 
  Character basics
  How does he handle any authority he may have?
  What are his goals?
  Is he now working toward those goals?
  How does he treat his family?
  Who are his friends?
  What does he talk about?
  What is his attitude toward money?
  What type of entertainment does he enjoy?
  How does he demonstrate his love for Jehovah God?
• 
  Assets
  Is he industrious?
  Is he financially responsible?
  Is he well reported on?
  Is he considerate of others?
  Danger signs
  Is he disposed to anger?
  Does he try to involve you in sexual misconduct?
  Is he physically or verbally abusive?
  Does he need to use alcohol to have a good time?
  Is he jealous and self centered?

WOULD SHE MAKE A GOOD WIFE FOR ME?

• 
  Character basics
  How does she show submissiveness in the family?
  How does she treat her family?
  Who are her friends?
  What does she talk about?
  What is her attitude toward money?
  What are her goals?
  Is she now working toward those goals?
  What type of entertainment does she enjoy?
  How does she demonstrate her love for Jehovah God?
• 
  Assets
  Is she industrious?
  Is she financially responsible?
  Is she well reported on?
  Is she considerate of others?
  Danger signs
  Is she contentious?
  Does she try to involve you in sexual misconduct?
  Is she verbally or physically abusive?
  Does she need to use alcohol to have a good time?

WHY DON'T BOYS LIKE ME?

Do YOU worry that boys are not attracted to you? Many girls do, even the ones you think would have no problems! Take Lois, for example. She is good looking, intellligent, and articulate. Yet, she says: "I feel that boys don't like me. A few that I liked showed an interest in me for a while but later stopped talking to me completely!"
What types of things do boys find attractive in a girl? What do they find unattractive? Without demeaning yourself, What can you do to draw the attention of a decent young man?

WHAT TO DO
Know your own mind and heart. You likely felt an increased attraction to boys soon after you entered puberty. You may have felt drawn to more than one boy. That's normal. But if you had quickly given your heart to the first boy who made your pulse race, you would have risked stunting your emotional and spiritual growth. It takes time to develop positive personal traits, to 'make your mind over' on important matters, and to reach some of your own goals. True, many boys are attracted to girls who have not yet formed strong convictions or who are naive. However, such boys are primarily interested in the girl's body, not in who she is as a person. The fact is, a balanced young man will look for a girl who can bring her strenghts to a partnership.

DEVELOP RESPECT FOR OTHERS. Just as you have need to be loved, the boys you know have a deep desire to be respected. It's no coincidence that the Bible says to the husband that he should love his wife but that the wife should have "deep respect" for her husband. In harmony with this insight, one survey of hundreds of young men found that more than 60% said they valued respect more than love. Over 70% of the older men surveyed made that same choice. Respect doesn't mean surrender- that you must give up your right to hold a different opinion and to express it. But the way you express your opinion will likely determine if you repel or attract a young man. If you consistently contradict or correct what he says, he may feel that you have little respect for him. Yet, if you acknowledge his viewpoint and comment on what you find praiseworthy, he will be more likely to accept and value your opinion. Of course, a discerning young man will also notice if you treat members of your family and others with respect.

DRESS MODESTLY, AND MAINTAIN GOOD HYGIENE. Your dress and grooming are like loudspeakers that broadcast your inner thoughts and attitudes. Long before you start to talk to a boy, your attire has expressed volumes about you. If your clothing is well arranged and modest, it will send a very positive message. If it is provocative or sloppy, the message will be loud and clear and negative.

DON'T FLIRT. Women have the ability to exert tremendous influence on men. That power to attract can be used for good and for bad. If you test out the power you have on every boy you meet, you'll likely gain a reputation as a flirt.

DON'T BE CLINGY. When a couple marry, they become what the Bible calls "one flesh." At that stage of the relationship, both husband and wife give up many of the freedoms they may have had when single; really, they become committed to each other. However, if you're just getting to know a young man, you don't have the right to expect that level of accountability from him, nor he from you. If you're hasty in demanding his undivided attention, you may sabotage your friendship.

APPRECIATE YOUR OWN VALUE. You likely know girls who would do anything just to gain the attention and approval of a boy. Others may lower their standards just so they can have boyfriend or even a husband. However, the principle 'you reap what you sow' applies in this matter. If you don't value yourself and the standards you try to live by, you're likely to attract boys who don't value you or your standards either. The fact is, not all boys will like you and that can be a good thing! But if you are conscious of caring for both your external beauty and your inner beauty, you will have 'Great values in the eyes of God' and you will attract the type of young man that you deserve.

CAUSES OF FAILED MARRIAGES

MARRIAGE is not a game. God intended for husbands and wives to forge a permanent bond, closer than that with any other human. A marriage mate is thus someone you will stick to or be stuck with for the rest of your life.
Any marriage is sure to suffer some "pain and grief". But Marcia Lasswell, who is a professor of behavioral science, warns: "if there is one unchallenged bit of information we have concerning whether or not a marriage will last, it is that those who are very young when they marry have three strikes against them."
Why do so many young marriages fail? The answer to this may have strong bearing on determining whether you are ready for marriage or not.Click Here!



GREAT EXPECTATIONS
"We had a very poor idea of what marriage was," admits one teenage girl. "We thought we could come and go, do as we pleased, do or not do the dishes, but it isn't that way." Many youths nurture such immature views of marriage. They imagine it to be a romantic fantasy. Or they head for the altar because they want the status of appearing grown up. Yet others simply want to escape a bad situation at home, at school, or in their community. Confided one girl to her fiance: "I'll be so glad when we get married. Then I won't ever have to make any more decisions!"
But marriage is neither a fantasy nor a cure-all for problems. If anything, it presents a whole new set of problems to deal with.
Many youths also have unrealistic expectations regarding sexual relations. Said one young man who married at age 18: "After I got married I found out that the great thrill of sex wears off very soon and then we started having some real problems." One study of teenage couples found that second financial problems, most arguments were over sexual relations. Doubtless this is because satisfying marital relations result from unselfishness and self-control-qualities youths have often failed to cultivate.

UNREADY FOR THEIR ROLES
One teenage bride says of her husband: "Now that we are married, the only time he acts interested in me is when he wants sex. He thinks his boyfriends are just as important to be with as I am... I thought I was going to be his one and only, but I was fooled." This highlights a misconception that is common among young men: They think that as husbands, they can still live the life-style of single men.
A 19year-old bride points to a problem common among young wives: "I'd rather watch TV and sleep than clean house and fix meals. I'm ashamed when my husband's parents visit because they keep a nice house and mine is always a mess. I'm a lousy cook, too." What stress it can add to a marriage when a girl is incompetent domestically! "Marriage really takes commitment," stated Vicky. "This isn't a game. The fun of the wedding is over. It soon becomes day to day living and that isn't easy."

MONEY PROBLEMS
This brings us to another cause of marital discord for young married couples: money. Forty-eight teenage couples admitted that after three months of marriage, their biggest problem was "spending family income." After nearly three years, 37 of these couples were asked the same question. Money problems were number one again and their anguish was even worse! "What fun can you get out of life," asked Ted, "when you never have enough money to buy the things you need to make you content?.... When you don't have enough to last from one payday to another, it can start lots of fights and unhappiness."

AM I READY TO DATE?

Clearly, when The urge to be with someone special and to be with someone who think you are special can be incredibly strong, even at a very young age. "At school you feel like you're only half a person if you're not dating someone- anyone!"
What about you? Are you ready to date? To answer that, we first need to address a more basic question;
You regularly go out with a certain member of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You and a member of the opposite sex are attracted to each other. Several times a day, you text message or talk to this person on the phone. Are you dating?
Everytime you get together with your friends, you pair off with the same person of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You most likely had no problem answering the first question. But you may have paused before responding to the second and third. What is dating? Dating is any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person's interest is focused on you. So the answer to all the three questions listed above is yes. Whether on the phone or face to face, in the open or in secret, if you and a friend of the opposite sex have a special romantic understanding and communicate regularly, it's dating. Are you ready to go down that road? A consideration.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE?
In many cultures dating is regarded as legitimate way for two people to become better acquainted. But dating should have an honorable purpose to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other.
Granted, some of your peers might take a casual view of dating. Perhaps they simply enjoy being with special friend of the opposite sex, without any intention of marriage. Some might even view such a friend as little, more than a trophy or an accessory to be seen with in public to boost their own self esteem. Often, though, such shallow relationships are shortlived. "Many young ones who date break up with each other a week or two later," says a girl.
They come to view relationships as transitory which in a sense prepares them for divorce rather than for marriage."
you date someone, you're affecting that person's feelings. So be sure your intentions are honorable. Think: would you like someone to play with your feelings as if they were some child's toy- to be picked up for a moment and then quickly abandoned?

MUST WE HAVE A FORMAL WEDDING?

If you are old enough to marry and are romantically involved with someone, the option of quietly slipping away to get married might seem attractive. In some cases a couple may elope. What principles can help you to decide what to do?

IS TRADITION PARAMOUNT?
While marriage is common to most cultures, the customs surrounding the ceremony vary greatly. For a christian couple, the primary concern is not whether their wedding will fulfill all the expectations of local custom. Rather, their paramount desire is to conduct their courtship and marriage in a way that brings honor to Jehovah God.
since marriage is an honorable arrangement, it is not something most couples would want to keep secret. It must be admitted, though, that organizing a wedding and a reception is stressful andd may entail considerable expense. For example, in the United States, wedding receptions often cost thousands of dollars.
In an attempt to minimize stress and expense, some couples have chosen a more simple option. Your parents too might be dissapointed if you decide to have a very simple wedding, since they may want as many people as possible to share the joy of this special day. What, though, if you are thinking of getting married without even telling your parents because you know that your family would oppose the very idea of your getting married?

CONSIDER YOUR FAMILY'S FEELINGS
It may be that your parents would object because they feel that you are too young to make such an important decision. They may fear that your tastes will soon change as you mature and that you will soon regret your choice of marriage mate. Alternatively, they might consider you old enough to marry, but they see what they perceive as flaws in your loved one's character. Or they may even forbid you to marry because your chosen partner does not share the same religious convictions as you.
If your parents are true christians, they likely have Bible-based reasons for their concerns. It is only right that they would express any misgivings they might have. Indeed, our Creator would veiw them as negligent and unloving if they failed to do so. And it is in your interest to hear their point of veiw.
True, some parents might have selfish reasons for objecting to a marriage- for example, to maintain control over their child. However, before you dismiss your parents' concerns as selfish and slip away to be married, why not analyze their objections?

Marital Fidelity

A successful marriage requires giving "exclusive devotion" to your mate. What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside marriage. your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of "infidelity,"even if no sexual activity is involved.
How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seem more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their "confidential talk" will be kept private.
Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may! "The heart is treacherous," says Jeremiah 17:9. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask yourself: Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship?
A improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotinal closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warned, "out of the heart come adulteries." However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Katherine said: "when I discovered that Stanley was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involved sexually. I am not sure that i will ever trust him."
Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says: "shrewd is the one that has seen calamity and proceeds to conceal himself."
Our creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship between two humans. He said that a husband and wife "must become one flesh." The one flesh bond involves more than sexual intimacy. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strenghtened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. Applying these principles will help protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.

Healthy Relationship

Human beings have an inherent need to develop meaningful relationships. We all want to share our goals, ideas, joys, sorrows, desires, affection and experiences with someone else. However, we all fall short at times in handling the mechanics of them. There are times when we need to “doctor” up or even perform “surgery” on some of our relationships.

Do you experience any of the following symptoms in any of your relationships?

• Frequent arguments

• Low energy conversations

• Apathy regarding the relationship

• Lack of interaction/no desire for proximity

• Continuously looking for “something better”

We go to the doctor for regular checkups, but how often do we check the health of our relationships? Just like your physical health, positive relationships–whether they are romantic, social or professional–require maintenance. Good relationships don’t just “happen.” Just as our physical bodies get sick from time to time, most relationships go through periods of “illness” as well. Fortunately, with proper treatment, these relationships can “recover” and thrive.

Being constantly on guard for symptoms of illness within your relationships will help keep them healthy and prosperous. People who have healthy relationships are happier and less stressed.

If you answered “yes” to any of the above symptoms, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. If so, here are some possible “remedies”:

Regular check-ups – to determine the overall health of your relationship, it is important to regularly communicate with your partner, friend, relative or associate to determine how they are feeling about the relationship. Set a regular period, depending on the relationship – monthly, quarterly, etc. to get together for the sole purpose of assessing the relationship.

Relationship checklist/chart – discuss what is working and what is not working in your relationship. Work on the issues and revisit them to see if the “stats” have improved at the next check-in.

“Weigh in” on your relationship – each of you should share your feelings with the other person. Be open and honest about what you are experiencing and listen carefully to his or her concerns.

Take the “temperature” of your relationships. Is it running hot or cold? Do you still enjoy each others’ company and/or benefit from the association. Is it moving in a positive direction?

Measure the “pulse”? Is it strong or weak? Is the bond between you growing stronger or weaker from one check-in to the next?
Use the correct prescription - know the right dosage of love and caring to share with that person, remembering that the prescription will be unique for each individual.

Know yourself - just as you pay attention to your body’s signals when it is experiencing injury or illness, know your personal reactions to the situations you encounter in your relationships and how those situations affect you. Know your “numbers” and how to read your results.

Read the warning signs/symptoms – as indicated above, watch for “key indications” that might indicate that there is a malignancy in your relationship.

Here are some of the “vital signs” of a healthy relationship:

• Built on respect, trust and caring

• Allows each person to be an individual and to grow personally

• Allows for differences of opinion and interests

• Apologizes, talks things out and moves on

• Knows how to respect each others’ “space”

• Enjoys each other’s company

• Benefits from each other’s opinions

• Supports each other’s goals

• Contains open communication and sharing of thoughts and ideas as well as active listening

• Establishes boundaries that the other knows not to cross

• Has common interests, but also values differences

• Picks their battles by determining what is really
important and what issues are not worth arguing about and works on one issue at a time.

• Comfortable saying “no” when necessary

• Expresses appreciation for each other to reaffirm respect and affection

In a healthy relationship, you should not be afraid to speak your mind. No type of relationship should cause you to compromise or doubt who you are. People who have your best interests at heart will never ask you to be someone you are not or to compromise what you believe in. Before being open with anyone else, you must first be honest with yourself about who you are, what you are seeking from another person and what you are willing to give.

Remember, healthy relationships are not built overnight. It takes time, energy and commitment to develop any type of relationship, whether with business associates, family, friends or a romantic partner. So, be happy; be healthy; be whole. Here is to a healthier you!