Is This Person Right For Me?

• Good looking

• friendly

• popular

• funny

• spiritually minded

• trustworthy

• morally upright

• goal oriented

There is nothing wrong with any of the above traits. Each of them has its own appeal. Wouldn't you agree, though, that when you're in the grip of a youthful crush, you tend to dwell on the more superficial qualities, such as those first four mentioned above?
As you mature, however, you begin using your perceptive powers to examine deeper issues, such as the last four traits mentioned above. For instance, you start to realize that the cutest girl in the neighborhood may not be trustworthy or that the most popular boy in class may not be morally upright. If you're "past the bloom of youth" the time of life when sexual desires first become strong you most likely look beyond the superficial traits to answer the question, Is this person right for me?

Will Just Anyone Do?
Over the course of time, more than a few members of the opposite sex may catch your eye. But not just anyone will do. After all, you want a lifelong mate, someone who will bring out the best in you and for whom you will do the same. Who might that person be? before you can answer that question, you need to 'look in the mirror' and honestly evaluate yourself. Getting to know yourself is no small task. The more you understand yourself, the better equipped you will be to find someone who will amplify your strenghts rather than your weaknesses. What, though, if you think you have found someone who is right for you?

Will This Relationship Work?
To answer that question, look at your friend objectively. Be careful, though! You might be inclined to see only what you want to see. So take your time. Try to perceive your friend's true nature.
Many who date don't look beyond the surface. Instead, they quickly point to the things they have in common: 'We like the same music.' 'We enjoy the same activities.' 'We agree on everything!' As mentioned earlier, though, if you're truly past the bloom of youth, you will look beyond superficial traits. You need to discern "the secret person of the heart."
For example, rather than focus on how much you agree on things, it might be more revealing to note what happens when you disagree. In other words, how does this person handle conflict- by insisting on his or her way, perhaps giving in to "fits of anger" or "abusive speech"?

HOW CAN I GET OVER A BROKEN HEART?

You just know this is the one you will marry. You enjoy each other's company, you share common interests, and you sense a mutual attraction. Then, suddenly, the relationship dies, exploding in a burst of anger or melting in tears. In his book TheChemistry of Love, Dr. Michael Liebowitz likens the onset of love to the rush of a powerful drug. But like a drug, such love can trigger raging 'withdrawal symptons' if it dies. And it makes little difference whether the love is mere infatuation or the 'real thing.' Both can create dizzying highs and agonizing lows if the relationship ends. The feelings of rejection, hurt, and perhaps outrage that come in the wake of a breakup may thus sour your view of the future. One young woman speaks of herself as 'wounded' because of being jilted. "I can only be a Hi, how are you? person (with the opposite sex) now," she says. "I am not letting any person get close to me." The deeper the commitment you feel in a relationship, the deeper the hurts its breakup can cause. Yes, indeed, the freedom to court whom you please carries a hefty price tag: the real Click Here!

possibility of rejection. There simply is no guarantee that true love will grow. So if someone began courting you with honest intentions but later concluded that marriage would be unwise, you have not necessarily been dealt with unfairly. The problem is, even when a breakup is handled with the utmost tact and kindness, you are still bound to feel hurt and rejected. This is no reason to lose your self-esteem, however. The fact that you were not "right" in this person's eyes does not mean that you will not be just right in the eyes of someone else! Try putting the defunct romance in cool perspective. The breakup may very well have spotlighted disturbing things about the person you were involved with- emotional immaturity, indecision, inflexibility,intolerance, a lack of consideration for your feelings. These are hardly desirable qualities in a marriage mate. What if the breakup is entirely one-sided and you are convinced that a marriage would have worked out well? Certainly you have a right to let the other person know how you feel. Perhaps there have simply been some misunderstandings. Emotional ranting and raving accomplishes little. And if he or she insists on splitting up, there is no need for you to humiliate yourself, tearfully begging for the affections of someone who obviously has no feelings for you. Solomon said there is "a time to seek and a time to give up as lost." What if you have strong reason to suspect that you were merely been used by someone who never had a sincere interest in marriage in the first place? You need not resort to vindictive reprisals. Be assured that his or her deviousness is not unnoticed by God. His word says: "The cruel person is bringing ostracism upon his own organism." From time to time you may still be tormented by loneliness or romantic memories. If so, it's all right to have a good cry. It also helps to get busy, perhaps in some physical activity or the christian ministry. Keep your mind on things that are cheerful and upbuilding. Confide in a close friend. Your parents may also be of great comfort, even if you feel you are old enough to be independent. And above all, confide in Jehovah God. You may now see the need to work on certain aspects of your personality. Your vision of what you want in a marriage mate may be clearer than ever. And having loved and lost, you may decide to handle courtship a bit more prudently should a desirable person come along again- the likelihood of which may be greater than you think.

WOULD HE MAKE A GOOD HUSBAND FOR ME?

• 
  Character basics
  How does he handle any authority he may have?
  What are his goals?
  Is he now working toward those goals?
  How does he treat his family?
  Who are his friends?
  What does he talk about?
  What is his attitude toward money?
  What type of entertainment does he enjoy?
  How does he demonstrate his love for Jehovah God?
• 
  Assets
  Is he industrious?
  Is he financially responsible?
  Is he well reported on?
  Is he considerate of others?
  Danger signs
  Is he disposed to anger?
  Does he try to involve you in sexual misconduct?
  Is he physically or verbally abusive?
  Does he need to use alcohol to have a good time?
  Is he jealous and self centered?

WOULD SHE MAKE A GOOD WIFE FOR ME?

• 
  Character basics
  How does she show submissiveness in the family?
  How does she treat her family?
  Who are her friends?
  What does she talk about?
  What is her attitude toward money?
  What are her goals?
  Is she now working toward those goals?
  What type of entertainment does she enjoy?
  How does she demonstrate her love for Jehovah God?
• 
  Assets
  Is she industrious?
  Is she financially responsible?
  Is she well reported on?
  Is she considerate of others?
  Danger signs
  Is she contentious?
  Does she try to involve you in sexual misconduct?
  Is she verbally or physically abusive?
  Does she need to use alcohol to have a good time?

WHY DON'T BOYS LIKE ME?

Do YOU worry that boys are not attracted to you? Many girls do, even the ones you think would have no problems! Take Lois, for example. She is good looking, intellligent, and articulate. Yet, she says: "I feel that boys don't like me. A few that I liked showed an interest in me for a while but later stopped talking to me completely!"
What types of things do boys find attractive in a girl? What do they find unattractive? Without demeaning yourself, What can you do to draw the attention of a decent young man?

WHAT TO DO
Know your own mind and heart. You likely felt an increased attraction to boys soon after you entered puberty. You may have felt drawn to more than one boy. That's normal. But if you had quickly given your heart to the first boy who made your pulse race, you would have risked stunting your emotional and spiritual growth. It takes time to develop positive personal traits, to 'make your mind over' on important matters, and to reach some of your own goals. True, many boys are attracted to girls who have not yet formed strong convictions or who are naive. However, such boys are primarily interested in the girl's body, not in who she is as a person. The fact is, a balanced young man will look for a girl who can bring her strenghts to a partnership.

DEVELOP RESPECT FOR OTHERS. Just as you have need to be loved, the boys you know have a deep desire to be respected. It's no coincidence that the Bible says to the husband that he should love his wife but that the wife should have "deep respect" for her husband. In harmony with this insight, one survey of hundreds of young men found that more than 60% said they valued respect more than love. Over 70% of the older men surveyed made that same choice. Respect doesn't mean surrender- that you must give up your right to hold a different opinion and to express it. But the way you express your opinion will likely determine if you repel or attract a young man. If you consistently contradict or correct what he says, he may feel that you have little respect for him. Yet, if you acknowledge his viewpoint and comment on what you find praiseworthy, he will be more likely to accept and value your opinion. Of course, a discerning young man will also notice if you treat members of your family and others with respect.

DRESS MODESTLY, AND MAINTAIN GOOD HYGIENE. Your dress and grooming are like loudspeakers that broadcast your inner thoughts and attitudes. Long before you start to talk to a boy, your attire has expressed volumes about you. If your clothing is well arranged and modest, it will send a very positive message. If it is provocative or sloppy, the message will be loud and clear and negative.

DON'T FLIRT. Women have the ability to exert tremendous influence on men. That power to attract can be used for good and for bad. If you test out the power you have on every boy you meet, you'll likely gain a reputation as a flirt.

DON'T BE CLINGY. When a couple marry, they become what the Bible calls "one flesh." At that stage of the relationship, both husband and wife give up many of the freedoms they may have had when single; really, they become committed to each other. However, if you're just getting to know a young man, you don't have the right to expect that level of accountability from him, nor he from you. If you're hasty in demanding his undivided attention, you may sabotage your friendship.

APPRECIATE YOUR OWN VALUE. You likely know girls who would do anything just to gain the attention and approval of a boy. Others may lower their standards just so they can have boyfriend or even a husband. However, the principle 'you reap what you sow' applies in this matter. If you don't value yourself and the standards you try to live by, you're likely to attract boys who don't value you or your standards either. The fact is, not all boys will like you and that can be a good thing! But if you are conscious of caring for both your external beauty and your inner beauty, you will have 'Great values in the eyes of God' and you will attract the type of young man that you deserve.

CAUSES OF FAILED MARRIAGES

MARRIAGE is not a game. God intended for husbands and wives to forge a permanent bond, closer than that with any other human. A marriage mate is thus someone you will stick to or be stuck with for the rest of your life.
Any marriage is sure to suffer some "pain and grief". But Marcia Lasswell, who is a professor of behavioral science, warns: "if there is one unchallenged bit of information we have concerning whether or not a marriage will last, it is that those who are very young when they marry have three strikes against them."
Why do so many young marriages fail? The answer to this may have strong bearing on determining whether you are ready for marriage or not.Click Here!



GREAT EXPECTATIONS
"We had a very poor idea of what marriage was," admits one teenage girl. "We thought we could come and go, do as we pleased, do or not do the dishes, but it isn't that way." Many youths nurture such immature views of marriage. They imagine it to be a romantic fantasy. Or they head for the altar because they want the status of appearing grown up. Yet others simply want to escape a bad situation at home, at school, or in their community. Confided one girl to her fiance: "I'll be so glad when we get married. Then I won't ever have to make any more decisions!"
But marriage is neither a fantasy nor a cure-all for problems. If anything, it presents a whole new set of problems to deal with.
Many youths also have unrealistic expectations regarding sexual relations. Said one young man who married at age 18: "After I got married I found out that the great thrill of sex wears off very soon and then we started having some real problems." One study of teenage couples found that second financial problems, most arguments were over sexual relations. Doubtless this is because satisfying marital relations result from unselfishness and self-control-qualities youths have often failed to cultivate.

UNREADY FOR THEIR ROLES
One teenage bride says of her husband: "Now that we are married, the only time he acts interested in me is when he wants sex. He thinks his boyfriends are just as important to be with as I am... I thought I was going to be his one and only, but I was fooled." This highlights a misconception that is common among young men: They think that as husbands, they can still live the life-style of single men.
A 19year-old bride points to a problem common among young wives: "I'd rather watch TV and sleep than clean house and fix meals. I'm ashamed when my husband's parents visit because they keep a nice house and mine is always a mess. I'm a lousy cook, too." What stress it can add to a marriage when a girl is incompetent domestically! "Marriage really takes commitment," stated Vicky. "This isn't a game. The fun of the wedding is over. It soon becomes day to day living and that isn't easy."

MONEY PROBLEMS
This brings us to another cause of marital discord for young married couples: money. Forty-eight teenage couples admitted that after three months of marriage, their biggest problem was "spending family income." After nearly three years, 37 of these couples were asked the same question. Money problems were number one again and their anguish was even worse! "What fun can you get out of life," asked Ted, "when you never have enough money to buy the things you need to make you content?.... When you don't have enough to last from one payday to another, it can start lots of fights and unhappiness."