Clearly, when The urge to be with someone special and to be with someone who think you are special can be incredibly strong, even at a very young age. "At school you feel like you're only half a person if you're not dating someone- anyone!"
What about you? Are you ready to date? To answer that, we first need to address a more basic question;
You regularly go out with a certain member of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You and a member of the opposite sex are attracted to each other. Several times a day, you text message or talk to this person on the phone. Are you dating?
Everytime you get together with your friends, you pair off with the same person of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You most likely had no problem answering the first question. But you may have paused before responding to the second and third. What is dating? Dating is any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person's interest is focused on you. So the answer to all the three questions listed above is yes. Whether on the phone or face to face, in the open or in secret, if you and a friend of the opposite sex have a special romantic understanding and communicate regularly, it's dating. Are you ready to go down that road? A consideration.
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DATE?
In many cultures dating is regarded as legitimate way for two people to become better acquainted. But dating should have an honorable purpose to help a young man and woman determine if they want to get married to each other.
Granted, some of your peers might take a casual view of dating. Perhaps they simply enjoy being with special friend of the opposite sex, without any intention of marriage. Some might even view such a friend as little, more than a trophy or an accessory to be seen with in public to boost their own self esteem. Often, though, such shallow relationships are shortlived. "Many young ones who date break up with each other a week or two later," says a girl.
They come to view relationships as transitory which in a sense prepares them for divorce rather than for marriage."
you date someone, you're affecting that person's feelings. So be sure your intentions are honorable. Think: would you like someone to play with your feelings as if they were some child's toy- to be picked up for a moment and then quickly abandoned?
Friday, November 27, 2009
MUST WE HAVE A FORMAL WEDDING?
If you are old enough to marry and are romantically involved with someone, the option of quietly slipping away to get married might seem attractive. In some cases a couple may elope. What principles can help you to decide what to do?
IS TRADITION PARAMOUNT?
While marriage is common to most cultures, the customs surrounding the ceremony vary greatly. For a christian couple, the primary concern is not whether their wedding will fulfill all the expectations of local custom. Rather, their paramount desire is to conduct their courtship and marriage in a way that brings honor to Jehovah God.
since marriage is an honorable arrangement, it is not something most couples would want to keep secret. It must be admitted, though, that organizing a wedding and a reception is stressful andd may entail considerable expense. For example, in the United States, wedding receptions often cost thousands of dollars.
In an attempt to minimize stress and expense, some couples have chosen a more simple option. Your parents too might be dissapointed if you decide to have a very simple wedding, since they may want as many people as possible to share the joy of this special day. What, though, if you are thinking of getting married without even telling your parents because you know that your family would oppose the very idea of your getting married?
CONSIDER YOUR FAMILY'S FEELINGS
It may be that your parents would object because they feel that you are too young to make such an important decision. They may fear that your tastes will soon change as you mature and that you will soon regret your choice of marriage mate. Alternatively, they might consider you old enough to marry, but they see what they perceive as flaws in your loved one's character. Or they may even forbid you to marry because your chosen partner does not share the same religious convictions as you.
If your parents are true christians, they likely have Bible-based reasons for their concerns. It is only right that they would express any misgivings they might have. Indeed, our Creator would veiw them as negligent and unloving if they failed to do so. And it is in your interest to hear their point of veiw.
True, some parents might have selfish reasons for objecting to a marriage- for example, to maintain control over their child. However, before you dismiss your parents' concerns as selfish and slip away to be married, why not analyze their objections?
IS TRADITION PARAMOUNT?
While marriage is common to most cultures, the customs surrounding the ceremony vary greatly. For a christian couple, the primary concern is not whether their wedding will fulfill all the expectations of local custom. Rather, their paramount desire is to conduct their courtship and marriage in a way that brings honor to Jehovah God.
since marriage is an honorable arrangement, it is not something most couples would want to keep secret. It must be admitted, though, that organizing a wedding and a reception is stressful andd may entail considerable expense. For example, in the United States, wedding receptions often cost thousands of dollars.
In an attempt to minimize stress and expense, some couples have chosen a more simple option. Your parents too might be dissapointed if you decide to have a very simple wedding, since they may want as many people as possible to share the joy of this special day. What, though, if you are thinking of getting married without even telling your parents because you know that your family would oppose the very idea of your getting married?
CONSIDER YOUR FAMILY'S FEELINGS
It may be that your parents would object because they feel that you are too young to make such an important decision. They may fear that your tastes will soon change as you mature and that you will soon regret your choice of marriage mate. Alternatively, they might consider you old enough to marry, but they see what they perceive as flaws in your loved one's character. Or they may even forbid you to marry because your chosen partner does not share the same religious convictions as you.
If your parents are true christians, they likely have Bible-based reasons for their concerns. It is only right that they would express any misgivings they might have. Indeed, our Creator would veiw them as negligent and unloving if they failed to do so. And it is in your interest to hear their point of veiw.
True, some parents might have selfish reasons for objecting to a marriage- for example, to maintain control over their child. However, before you dismiss your parents' concerns as selfish and slip away to be married, why not analyze their objections?
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Marital Fidelity
A successful marriage requires giving "exclusive devotion" to your mate. What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside marriage. your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of "infidelity,"even if no sexual activity is involved.
How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seem more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their "confidential talk" will be kept private.
Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may! "The heart is treacherous," says Jeremiah 17:9. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask yourself: Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship?
A improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotinal closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warned, "out of the heart come adulteries." However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Katherine said: "when I discovered that Stanley was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involved sexually. I am not sure that i will ever trust him."
Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says: "shrewd is the one that has seen calamity and proceeds to conceal himself."
Our creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship between two humans. He said that a husband and wife "must become one flesh." The one flesh bond involves more than sexual intimacy. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strenghtened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. Applying these principles will help protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.
How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seem more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their "confidential talk" will be kept private.
Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may! "The heart is treacherous," says Jeremiah 17:9. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask yourself: Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship?
A improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotinal closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warned, "out of the heart come adulteries." However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Katherine said: "when I discovered that Stanley was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involved sexually. I am not sure that i will ever trust him."
Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says: "shrewd is the one that has seen calamity and proceeds to conceal himself."
Our creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship between two humans. He said that a husband and wife "must become one flesh." The one flesh bond involves more than sexual intimacy. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strenghtened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. Applying these principles will help protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.
Healthy Relationship
Human beings have an inherent need to develop meaningful relationships. We all want to share our goals, ideas, joys, sorrows, desires, affection and experiences with someone else. However, we all fall short at times in handling the mechanics of them. There are times when we need to “doctor” up or even perform “surgery” on some of our relationships.
Do you experience any of the following symptoms in any of your relationships?
• Frequent arguments
• Low energy conversations
• Apathy regarding the relationship
• Lack of interaction/no desire for proximity
• Continuously looking for “something better”
We go to the doctor for regular checkups, but how often do we check the health of our relationships? Just like your physical health, positive relationships–whether they are romantic, social or professional–require maintenance. Good relationships don’t just “happen.” Just as our physical bodies get sick from time to time, most relationships go through periods of “illness” as well. Fortunately, with proper treatment, these relationships can “recover” and thrive.
Being constantly on guard for symptoms of illness within your relationships will help keep them healthy and prosperous. People who have healthy relationships are happier and less stressed.
If you answered “yes” to any of the above symptoms, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. If so, here are some possible “remedies”:
Regular check-ups – to determine the overall health of your relationship, it is important to regularly communicate with your partner, friend, relative or associate to determine how they are feeling about the relationship. Set a regular period, depending on the relationship – monthly, quarterly, etc. to get together for the sole purpose of assessing the relationship.
Relationship checklist/chart – discuss what is working and what is not working in your relationship. Work on the issues and revisit them to see if the “stats” have improved at the next check-in.
“Weigh in” on your relationship – each of you should share your feelings with the other person. Be open and honest about what you are experiencing and listen carefully to his or her concerns.
Take the “temperature” of your relationships. Is it running hot or cold? Do you still enjoy each others’ company and/or benefit from the association. Is it moving in a positive direction?
Measure the “pulse”? Is it strong or weak? Is the bond between you growing stronger or weaker from one check-in to the next?
Use the correct prescription - know the right dosage of love and caring to share with that person, remembering that the prescription will be unique for each individual.
Know yourself - just as you pay attention to your body’s signals when it is experiencing injury or illness, know your personal reactions to the situations you encounter in your relationships and how those situations affect you. Know your “numbers” and how to read your results.
Read the warning signs/symptoms – as indicated above, watch for “key indications” that might indicate that there is a malignancy in your relationship.
Here are some of the “vital signs” of a healthy relationship:
• Built on respect, trust and caring
• Allows each person to be an individual and to grow personally
• Allows for differences of opinion and interests
• Apologizes, talks things out and moves on
• Knows how to respect each others’ “space”
• Enjoys each other’s company
• Benefits from each other’s opinions
• Supports each other’s goals
• Contains open communication and sharing of thoughts and ideas as well as active listening
• Establishes boundaries that the other knows not to cross
• Has common interests, but also values differences
• Picks their battles by determining what is really
important and what issues are not worth arguing about and works on one issue at a time.
• Comfortable saying “no” when necessary
• Expresses appreciation for each other to reaffirm respect and affection
In a healthy relationship, you should not be afraid to speak your mind. No type of relationship should cause you to compromise or doubt who you are. People who have your best interests at heart will never ask you to be someone you are not or to compromise what you believe in. Before being open with anyone else, you must first be honest with yourself about who you are, what you are seeking from another person and what you are willing to give.
Remember, healthy relationships are not built overnight. It takes time, energy and commitment to develop any type of relationship, whether with business associates, family, friends or a romantic partner. So, be happy; be healthy; be whole. Here is to a healthier you!
Do you experience any of the following symptoms in any of your relationships?
• Frequent arguments
• Low energy conversations
• Apathy regarding the relationship
• Lack of interaction/no desire for proximity
• Continuously looking for “something better”
We go to the doctor for regular checkups, but how often do we check the health of our relationships? Just like your physical health, positive relationships–whether they are romantic, social or professional–require maintenance. Good relationships don’t just “happen.” Just as our physical bodies get sick from time to time, most relationships go through periods of “illness” as well. Fortunately, with proper treatment, these relationships can “recover” and thrive.
Being constantly on guard for symptoms of illness within your relationships will help keep them healthy and prosperous. People who have healthy relationships are happier and less stressed.
If you answered “yes” to any of the above symptoms, you might be in an unhealthy relationship. If so, here are some possible “remedies”:
Regular check-ups – to determine the overall health of your relationship, it is important to regularly communicate with your partner, friend, relative or associate to determine how they are feeling about the relationship. Set a regular period, depending on the relationship – monthly, quarterly, etc. to get together for the sole purpose of assessing the relationship.
Relationship checklist/chart – discuss what is working and what is not working in your relationship. Work on the issues and revisit them to see if the “stats” have improved at the next check-in.
“Weigh in” on your relationship – each of you should share your feelings with the other person. Be open and honest about what you are experiencing and listen carefully to his or her concerns.
Take the “temperature” of your relationships. Is it running hot or cold? Do you still enjoy each others’ company and/or benefit from the association. Is it moving in a positive direction?
Measure the “pulse”? Is it strong or weak? Is the bond between you growing stronger or weaker from one check-in to the next?
Use the correct prescription - know the right dosage of love and caring to share with that person, remembering that the prescription will be unique for each individual.
Know yourself - just as you pay attention to your body’s signals when it is experiencing injury or illness, know your personal reactions to the situations you encounter in your relationships and how those situations affect you. Know your “numbers” and how to read your results.
Read the warning signs/symptoms – as indicated above, watch for “key indications” that might indicate that there is a malignancy in your relationship.
Here are some of the “vital signs” of a healthy relationship:
• Built on respect, trust and caring
• Allows each person to be an individual and to grow personally
• Allows for differences of opinion and interests
• Apologizes, talks things out and moves on
• Knows how to respect each others’ “space”
• Enjoys each other’s company
• Benefits from each other’s opinions
• Supports each other’s goals
• Contains open communication and sharing of thoughts and ideas as well as active listening
• Establishes boundaries that the other knows not to cross
• Has common interests, but also values differences
• Picks their battles by determining what is really
important and what issues are not worth arguing about and works on one issue at a time.
• Comfortable saying “no” when necessary
• Expresses appreciation for each other to reaffirm respect and affection
In a healthy relationship, you should not be afraid to speak your mind. No type of relationship should cause you to compromise or doubt who you are. People who have your best interests at heart will never ask you to be someone you are not or to compromise what you believe in. Before being open with anyone else, you must first be honest with yourself about who you are, what you are seeking from another person and what you are willing to give.
Remember, healthy relationships are not built overnight. It takes time, energy and commitment to develop any type of relationship, whether with business associates, family, friends or a romantic partner. So, be happy; be healthy; be whole. Here is to a healthier you!
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