MARRIAGE is not a game. God intended for husbands and wives to forge a permanent bond, closer than that with any other human. A marriage mate is thus someone you will stick to or be stuck with for the rest of your life.
Any marriage is sure to suffer some "pain and grief". But Marcia Lasswell, who is a professor of behavioral science, warns: "if there is one unchallenged bit of information we have concerning whether or not a marriage will last, it is that those who are very young when they marry have three strikes against them."
Why do so many young marriages fail? The answer to this may have strong bearing on determining whether you are ready for marriage or not.Click Here!
GREAT EXPECTATIONS
"We had a very poor idea of what marriage was," admits one teenage girl. "We thought we could come and go, do as we pleased, do or not do the dishes, but it isn't that way." Many youths nurture such immature views of marriage. They imagine it to be a romantic fantasy. Or they head for the altar because they want the status of appearing grown up. Yet others simply want to escape a bad situation at home, at school, or in their community. Confided one girl to her fiance: "I'll be so glad when we get married. Then I won't ever have to make any more decisions!"
But marriage is neither a fantasy nor a cure-all for problems. If anything, it presents a whole new set of problems to deal with.
Many youths also have unrealistic expectations regarding sexual relations. Said one young man who married at age 18: "After I got married I found out that the great thrill of sex wears off very soon and then we started having some real problems." One study of teenage couples found that second financial problems, most arguments were over sexual relations. Doubtless this is because satisfying marital relations result from unselfishness and self-control-qualities youths have often failed to cultivate.
UNREADY FOR THEIR ROLES
One teenage bride says of her husband: "Now that we are married, the only time he acts interested in me is when he wants sex. He thinks his boyfriends are just as important to be with as I am... I thought I was going to be his one and only, but I was fooled." This highlights a misconception that is common among young men: They think that as husbands, they can still live the life-style of single men.
A 19year-old bride points to a problem common among young wives: "I'd rather watch TV and sleep than clean house and fix meals. I'm ashamed when my husband's parents visit because they keep a nice house and mine is always a mess. I'm a lousy cook, too." What stress it can add to a marriage when a girl is incompetent domestically! "Marriage really takes commitment," stated Vicky. "This isn't a game. The fun of the wedding is over. It soon becomes day to day living and that isn't easy."
MONEY PROBLEMS
This brings us to another cause of marital discord for young married couples: money. Forty-eight teenage couples admitted that after three months of marriage, their biggest problem was "spending family income." After nearly three years, 37 of these couples were asked the same question. Money problems were number one again and their anguish was even worse! "What fun can you get out of life," asked Ted, "when you never have enough money to buy the things you need to make you content?.... When you don't have enough to last from one payday to another, it can start lots of fights and unhappiness."
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